The Meat Pie Review gets dangerous.

so in reading up on nutritional information for the sausage roll, i managed to find this bit of information on frozen processed meat pies sold in australia. "A study by ACA in 2006 found 5 of the 23 pie products tested had less than the minimum 25% meat required." less than 25% meat. that is a meat pie, containing 75% "other" even more, any pie that uses meat other than beef, pork, or chicken is allowed to just put the frighteningly ambiguous "meat" on their list of ingredients, but given what we now know, i am just reassured to know that meat is present. With this frightening fact, I knew what i had to do. put my health and wellbeing on the line for journalistic integrity. The people have to know what it is like to eat a pie which might only contain 25% meat. I am a martyr to the truth, and so in the spirit of Edward R. Murrows, reporting on the german airstrikes from inside london, i thawed and microwaved up a single Sargent's Meat Pie(tm). Sargent, please don't sue me. the first think i noticed as the pie came out of the toaster oven (a step which must be taken to avoid soggy pies, nobody likes soggy pies) was the brand name of Sargent stamped onto the crust, much in the same way (and almost the same font) as the brand name of Ford stamped into the center of one of their hard rubber steering wheels. So here's the deal. Imagine sloppy joe mix, with peas and something that looks like carrots in it. Put that in a pie shell. Now put the whole thing in a particle accelerator until it reaches the temperature of the sun. Do particle accelerators really do that? I don't know. I don't want to know. but that's exactly what a frozen meat pie does when put in the microwave. I'm sure that somewhere, under the crust, under the superheated magma, there was a rotating core of superdense beef giving this thing it's own north and south magnetic poles. but you let it cool off a bit, and it's not too bad. the texture definetely left something to be desired, and I am still not convinced that those were really carrots, what can you really expect at 5AUD for a pack of four pies. (apparently, nothing over 50% meat). and is this australian celebration of cheap eats any worse than Ramen, or Spam. It could certainly be no worse than heat and eat bacon (they weren't even in the freezer section of the store...) the trick with any of this is to not think too hard about what your doing, and enjoy the mad rush of it all. Now if i'm finished making cheap quisine look like a thrilling game of Russian Roullette, I think i'm done here. I still think I'm gonna hold off on the ready to serve bacon for now.